Reinvent Yourself: STOP LIVING FOR "SOMEDAY"

Subtitled: A Scary Phrase (That's Haunted Me For Years)    

I was listening to the Internet Business Mastery podcast today, and Jeremy and Jason mentioned a phrase that has haunted me for years.

They mentioned it in passing, so it clearly wasn't something that they've wrestled with to any degree.

But the fact that this phrase actually had a name distracted me for several minutes as I wrestled with guilt, and the feeling that I had wasted so much time already, clinging to a belief that told me over and over again:

"Someday, I'll be happy."

I rewound the podcast. And listened again.

The phrase they mentioned was the Arrival Fallacy.

(Just typing it makes my blood chill.)

What is the Arrival Fallacy?  (brrrr...)

It's the belief that you will achieve happiness and fulfillment only after certain, future criteria have been met. You cannot be happy now. You will only be happy after this happens. Or when that happens.

Or when this and that happen!

Perhaps it's after you get the raise you wanted. Or after you finally buy a home.

You've decided that you will only be happy when you've arrived.

Are you like me?

Does your happiness lie just around the corner, or in some distant future?  Does it always seem to be out of reach?

Perhaps you believe in the Arrival Fallacy too.

"How can I be happy now? I'm clearly not the person I want to be yet."

"I'm overweight." "I don't make enough money." "I haven't found love yet."

Oh, yeah.  I know all about this kind of thinking.

Do you live for a happier time? A better place? Are you wishing you were somewhere other than where you are right now?  Do you secretly think: "Someday..."?

"Someday, I'll start making those changes."

"Someday, life will be better, and I can start fresh."

"Someday, I'll be happy."

These thoughts echo in my mind, and have for years. 

Of course the fact that the world is a miserable place isn't helping us at all. How can we possibly be happy right now? While people hurt, or kill, or die?

It's true. The world isn't a perfect place. Not even close.

I think that's why it's so easy to fall into the trap of thinking, "Someday". 

It gives us an excuse, perfectly wrapped in a shiny package. "I'll wait until life is just a little bit better before I start doing that important thing I've wanted to do all my life." "I'll wait just a little bit longer before I start doing the things that make me happy."

I didn't even realize I had this mindset.

I thought I was just being hopeful.

Someday things'll get better. Someday I'll achieve the things I want to achieve.

Sure, it's hopeful thinking - but at some point, if you're not careful, it can become an avoidance technique.

That's what it became to me.

I've pushed so many of my dreams so far into "someday" that I've never had to worry about actually achieving them.

So I just stay right here. Where it's safe. Locked in thoughts of a happier future. Never having to put my neck out there. Never having to risk failure at achieving my goals.

... because someday it'll all be okay. One of these days, I'll find that elusive confidence I've been seeking. I'll give voice to the artist inside of me. One of these days, I'll create! I'll Do! I'll Be! Go me! Yeah!!

Sounds wonderful. Like heaven on earth.

But there's bad news. (You knew I'd have bad news. You probably already know what it is. You're smart like that.)

The bad news is one of these days we're going to die.

(I hope it's a peaceful death for us. In our sleep, surrounded by family.)

But what if we end up with a lot of time to contemplate the things that might've been, could've been... weren't? What if we were able to see what needed to be done, but we hadn't done it?

Don't know about you, but that would be pretty crushing. Living in the shadow of goals unpursued.

That's the way I've been living. (Have you been living that way too?)

[insert long sigh of sad realization] [ha]

There are a few cures to this scary scenario.

You could try reading this (hysterical and vulgar).

Or try this (not hysterical or vulgar).

Or I could just cut to the chase and tell you to:

START

I don't care how crappy it is.

I don't care how scary it is.

I don't care who'll laugh at you.

SOMETHING

Take a first step toward a worthy goal.

Do something that matters. Right now.

It doesn't have to matter to anyone else but you.

But start doing it. Whatever it is.

TODAY.

Do it because arrival is a fallacy.

You're already here. You're on the planet. You're breathing air. You're reading these words.

You've arrived. 

You've arrived at the start of a beautiful new day. 

And this day is all we have.

And unlike "someday", TODAY is not a fallacy.

START. SOMETHING. TODAY.

It could just make you happy.

Thank you. Sorry for rambling, ha.

GTO

Write Your Eulogy

What would you want people to say about you after you're gone? Addressing that question can help you better understand who you are and who you want to be, advises Richard Nelson Bolles, author of What Color is Your Parachute? (Ten Speed Press, revised and updated annually). This career-hunter's bible offers a checklist of values to help you set priorities. [Source: "25 Ways to Reinvent Yourself" originally published in Modern Maturity January-February 2000, transcribed by Greg Olszewski.]

GTO's Thoughts:

I stopped publishing this blog for a few months while I thought about my eulogy. I wasn't going to continue until I had figured out exactly what I hoped people would say about me when I die.

So here we are.  And here I am.  And I got nuthin'.

Although..

Here's two things that I don't want my family and friends to say
at my funeral:
(1) "He was a 'nice' guy."
(2) "He had great potential."

Ugh, the "nice" guy thing.

Nice guys have their points. (They hold doors, they say hi to people in the park, they'll listen when strangers tell them their entire life stories waiting in line at the grocery store.)

But a part of me wants to scream -- "NICE GUYS FINISH LAST!"

(I mean, look at me -- I'm in a casket! If I wasn't so nice, I'd still be alive!)

But, seriously, nice guys are (often) afraid of the world - and of life!
Nice guys don't (often) get what they want from this world.
And nice guys are not remembered (often).

Now "great potential" - that's something I think about everyday.
I'm more haunted by it actually.

I'm not doing enough with my life. I'm doing little things, but they're just not adding up to a colorful life. I want a colorful life.

I want to travel. Go on adventures. Stay with friends wherever they live. I want to see the Aurora Borealis. Skydive. Pilot a glider. I want to be interviewed by a magazine. Any magazine. Swim with dolphins...

(Yeah, just some basics. I'll start with them, then move onto more creative ventures.)

But I've got to stop having potential, and start having:

KINETICISM.

That's the real trick.

Thanks for reading!
GTO ("the nice guy with great potential")