Reinvent Yourself: STOP LIVING FOR "SOMEDAY"

Subtitled: A Scary Phrase (That's Haunted Me For Years)    

I was listening to the Internet Business Mastery podcast today, and Jeremy and Jason mentioned a phrase that has haunted me for years.

They mentioned it in passing, so it clearly wasn't something that they've wrestled with to any degree.

But the fact that this phrase actually had a name distracted me for several minutes as I wrestled with guilt, and the feeling that I had wasted so much time already, clinging to a belief that told me over and over again:

"Someday, I'll be happy."

I rewound the podcast. And listened again.

The phrase they mentioned was the Arrival Fallacy.

(Just typing it makes my blood chill.)

What is the Arrival Fallacy?  (brrrr...)

It's the belief that you will achieve happiness and fulfillment only after certain, future criteria have been met. You cannot be happy now. You will only be happy after this happens. Or when that happens.

Or when this and that happen!

Perhaps it's after you get the raise you wanted. Or after you finally buy a home.

You've decided that you will only be happy when you've arrived.

Are you like me?

Does your happiness lie just around the corner, or in some distant future?  Does it always seem to be out of reach?

Perhaps you believe in the Arrival Fallacy too.

"How can I be happy now? I'm clearly not the person I want to be yet."

"I'm overweight." "I don't make enough money." "I haven't found love yet."

Oh, yeah.  I know all about this kind of thinking.

Do you live for a happier time? A better place? Are you wishing you were somewhere other than where you are right now?  Do you secretly think: "Someday..."?

"Someday, I'll start making those changes."

"Someday, life will be better, and I can start fresh."

"Someday, I'll be happy."

These thoughts echo in my mind, and have for years. 

Of course the fact that the world is a miserable place isn't helping us at all. How can we possibly be happy right now? While people hurt, or kill, or die?

It's true. The world isn't a perfect place. Not even close.

I think that's why it's so easy to fall into the trap of thinking, "Someday". 

It gives us an excuse, perfectly wrapped in a shiny package. "I'll wait until life is just a little bit better before I start doing that important thing I've wanted to do all my life." "I'll wait just a little bit longer before I start doing the things that make me happy."

I didn't even realize I had this mindset.

I thought I was just being hopeful.

Someday things'll get better. Someday I'll achieve the things I want to achieve.

Sure, it's hopeful thinking - but at some point, if you're not careful, it can become an avoidance technique.

That's what it became to me.

I've pushed so many of my dreams so far into "someday" that I've never had to worry about actually achieving them.

So I just stay right here. Where it's safe. Locked in thoughts of a happier future. Never having to put my neck out there. Never having to risk failure at achieving my goals.

... because someday it'll all be okay. One of these days, I'll find that elusive confidence I've been seeking. I'll give voice to the artist inside of me. One of these days, I'll create! I'll Do! I'll Be! Go me! Yeah!!

Sounds wonderful. Like heaven on earth.

But there's bad news. (You knew I'd have bad news. You probably already know what it is. You're smart like that.)

The bad news is one of these days we're going to die.

(I hope it's a peaceful death for us. In our sleep, surrounded by family.)

But what if we end up with a lot of time to contemplate the things that might've been, could've been... weren't? What if we were able to see what needed to be done, but we hadn't done it?

Don't know about you, but that would be pretty crushing. Living in the shadow of goals unpursued.

That's the way I've been living. (Have you been living that way too?)

[insert long sigh of sad realization] [ha]

There are a few cures to this scary scenario.

You could try reading this (hysterical and vulgar).

Or try this (not hysterical or vulgar).

Or I could just cut to the chase and tell you to:

START

I don't care how crappy it is.

I don't care how scary it is.

I don't care who'll laugh at you.

SOMETHING

Take a first step toward a worthy goal.

Do something that matters. Right now.

It doesn't have to matter to anyone else but you.

But start doing it. Whatever it is.

TODAY.

Do it because arrival is a fallacy.

You're already here. You're on the planet. You're breathing air. You're reading these words.

You've arrived. 

You've arrived at the start of a beautiful new day. 

And this day is all we have.

And unlike "someday", TODAY is not a fallacy.

START. SOMETHING. TODAY.

It could just make you happy.

Thank you. Sorry for rambling, ha.

GTO

Reinvent Yourself: Read "6 Harsh Truths" by David Wong

Subtitle: Failed Artists! Disgruntled Creatives! Depressed Citizens! Anyone!.. who expected MORE from life! PLEASE READ THIS!

David Wong of Cracked.com has written one of the best articles I've ever read!

6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person (by David Wong).

It lays out, in brutally-honest (and brutally-funny) language, what we can do to make our experience on this planet more meaningful. It will especially appeal to people who have lost touch with the dreams and goals of their lives. (I count myself among this group.)

Be warned: there's plenty of vulgarity here.

But there's also plenty of truth.

QUESTION FOR YOU:

Did you enjoy this article as much as I did?

Please let me know in the comments.

GTO

Make the Ultimate "To Do" List.

Thinking he was about to die in a plane crash in 1983, America Online executive Ted Leonsis started writing down 101 things he would do if he survived. The plane landed safely - but the list changed his life. So far, Leonsis has crossed off nearly two thirds of the items, which include catching a foul ball at a baseball game and owning a sports team (he became majority owner of the National Hockey League's Washington Capitals in 1999). Leonsis wants the list passed out at his funeral. [Source: "25 Ways to Reinvent Yourself" originally published in Modern Maturity January - February 2000, transcribed by Greg Olszewski.]

GTO's Thoughts:I can only remember a few things in my head at a time, so I like the idea of creating lists. I'm an expert listmaker and have a list for everything. Business concepts, creative outlets, social activities, web passwords, groceries, Christmas lists, etc. I like lists! But to me the trick is not creating the list (though it might be for you). To me, the trick is seeing the list.

We're surrounded by thousands of pieces of information at any given time in our homes, office, cars, etc. We'd go insane if every glance around our desk assaulted our consciousness with the same information we learned yesterday as though it were new. [Sunday: "Oh, look! I have a calendar! And blank disks! And a talking Jeff Foxworthy Clip-On Doll!"] [Monday: "Oh, look! I have a calendar! And blank disks! And a talking Jeff Foxworthy Talking Clip-On Doll!"] [Tuesday: "Oh, look!...]. I don't want each day to be an assault of information I've already gathered, do you? Maybe you'd be lucky enough to harness your skills and learn to woo Andie McDowell (as Bill Murray does in "Groundhog Day"), but I'd get buried alive in the details. I'd never make it past my livingroom. My brain would be shocked by all this great old stuff.

"Oh look, a calendar and blank disks...!"

So, to combat this informational assault, our brains take everything in and (depending on how your brain works) begin storing new information in the periphery of our consciousness. Just out of sight, but very close by. This is a wonderful blessing.

Of course when we really want to remember something, it's a bit of a curse. We fight our brain's natural inclination to protect our sanity. (Most of our battles are against ourselves, aren't they?)

So the trick to seeing your To Do list is to get it in a place where you will notice it and acknowledge it. Somewhere where it won't blend into the clutter. I used to print my To Do list and tape it to my fridge, bathroom mirror, monitor, etc. I recommend anything that works. It should be somewhere you cross paths often. Try everything. Have a friend come to your home and move the list to a new place everyday! (I've never tried that. Let me know how it works).

One spot I've found very useful for my To Do list is as a background to my computer's desktop. (If you need tips on how to do this, let me know.) This way, each time I sign-on to surf the web or write or play games, I get a glimpse at the things I don't want to forget. It's a pretty good spot if you ask me.

If only I kept my eyes open when I turned on my computer.
GTO